Day 17: Facing FEAR-FULL Patterns & Rewriting Them

I went to a small Halloween gathering an old friend from high school invited me to last night.

A guy from my class all through public school came and wound up being the brother of one of the Firemen who came that fateful night in January 2020 when my world changed forever, again.

I guess it’s part of clearing the patterns of the collective which can only be upheld if we’re willing to face them.

New Years was meant to be rung in with this group, not my public school friend necessarily, but the friend I got invited by and her friends.

Her and I were best friends in Grade 11 when I felt the most popular I did throughout all of my growing up days, apart from grade 8 which was great! We had a little ‘crew’ at the beginning of the year but as the year moved on I had fewer alliances and allies within the group and by the end didn’t have a relationship with any of them.

Why do we expect that things will have changed over time?

My friend had her best friends staying the night and her cousin came with his girlfriend and her brother. Another couple, together since high school had come with their kids and then my friend’s brothers and our mutual acquaintance from public school – rule breaking but that’s only because there is power in numbers and from connection which is why they’re trying to ban it. Think about it!

Social capital is the most valuable energetic resource any of us ever play with and the reality is that sometimes investments go backward before they go forward and when it comes to relationships, that process is uncomfortable.

Being me, with a wig and mermaid tail, I called my character “Different” because I said I was the same as the rest of the year I just had different hair, was my story when at work, and then at the outdoor bonfire party – so more acceptable – I had two sweaters overtop a colourful top and mermaid tale so I looked like one of those characters that get dressed one quarter at a time. It was a sight but the way the night ended was the spectacle.

During the night, as I do, I had deep conversations with most of the people present and some of them were really with me, understanding the need to connect and bond at this time because of what is coming through the mainstream media and potentially ‘martial law’ if we don’t organize ourselves the way small groups can, but larger groups seem to struggle to do. There are just so many competing beliefs in the pot that people get offended and pull away.

One atheist in the group had that experience and after leaving a conversation where I openly spoke the forbidden word (God) without a second thought because it’s so common in my vernacular, she got right offended and high tailed it away from me, then proceeding to avoid me when I entered a shared circle until the posse went inside with my friend to explain their rejection of me. They were gone for a bit and when they emerged my friend sheepishly said it was getting late and they were going to wrap things up soon, at which point I took my cue to leave after getting a begrudgingly taken photo with my peacekeeper friend who was caught between a rock and a hard place.

I’d already spoke to the few remaining outside while my friend was inside about whether to just leave without saying goodbye because I knew the other girl didn’t want anything to do with me or whether I should just pop my head in to say thanks for the invite and have a good one and I was genuinely curious what they would do in my position.

When they came back out before I’d made my decision I was grateful because that way nothing was hidden and the public shunning was witnessed by those I’d acknowledged what had happened to and had felt I was equally welcome to be there. But as it turned out, I wasn’t and that’s ok. It was high school all over again in the way her and I specifically stopped hanging out the last time, just different circumstances and different players involved in the scene.

You see in high school I would have taken this public shaming personally and wondered what I could do to make things right and try to get her to like me and whatever other nonsense goes through our head when we are trying to fit in with someone who resents our strong belief in life and what we’re here for.

I understand cognitive dissonance is the killer of potential because it’s when two competing beliefs coexist in the same space and one is fearfull of the other. And fearfull people will always be intimidated by someone who is faithfull.

I’d realized that before and during my crazy experience last fall in the Mental Health system when the fight got too much and things got really strange for a little bit. And what that experience taught me was the need to self-regulate and process through all the Energies in motion (E-motion) showing up in the present moment.

I’ll admit that a few crocodile tears fell on my cheek as I made that walk of shame out of the party but the Universe sent the gift of one of the guys calling down the alley by the garage “it was a pleasure meeting you” and for me that was enough to be a sign that I am divinely supported and all is well.

I get it. I’ve been here so many times in my life it’s familiar, and yet this time it doesn’t hurt because I see the pattern for what it is.

This is a pretty fresh experience to write about given the locality of all participants but if we can get beyond that what we’ll start to see are the patterns and that’s what we’ve really got to start getting back to. It’s about seeing that we are all mirrors to each other and the fight between the fearfull and the faithfull is epic right now. And we’re all in it.

We’re all experiencing the collective fight between fear and faith that is gripping this planet, and we’re all experiencing the fight within that is between two wolves like the Cherokee grandfather taught his grandson in an old parable I’m sure you’ve heard.

If you haven’t I’ll share it tomorrow because right now I’ve got to hit the shower and get ready for a shift at the store.

The moral: people who don’t fully know what they believe in because of how strongly they believe in what  they don’t believe in are threatened by people who do know what they stand for. And that fight is never fun, but in the end, the chaos spreads seeds and that’s what life is all about.

Keep planting seeds of hope, optimism and potential in the minds and hearts of others. Not because you intend to bask under the shade of the tree, but because you hope others will be able to.

Much love and many blessings,

Laura JeH- Namaste

Leave a comment