For 3.5 years I lived in England in a relationship with an entrepreneur committed to bringing his vision into reality and willing to pay the price to do it.
Our relationship was one of the prices he paid but given he’s now remarried it wasn’t as high a cost as I thought.
Funny how we have that sense of self-importance, wanting to know how significant we are to someone and how much we mean to them when the truth is, we are just one more character in their daily drama. You may have a greater or lesser role in some dramas than others but ultimately you never want to be ‘it’ for anyone else.
It’s Valentine’s Day as I write this so some will say I’m jaded but those actually listening will realize that I haven’t been single for so long because I can’t find anyone, rather because I’m willing to do the work to become the partner I want to share with someone I truly love.
I hope the same is true for you.
Valentine’s day morning I recorded a video with an important message about Bruce Lipton’s The Honeymoon Effect but with a computer that has hit its storage capacity I haven’t had a chance to upload it yet. I’ll let you know once I do and would love to hear your thoughts.
If my first head-over-heals, he’s “the one,” experience at 18 was any indication of the influence relationships in my life would have over me, I have changed myself a lot over the years in order to be in relationships where I was valued to the level I was willing to value myself, and at times that clearly wasn’t very much.
No matter how important we want to be to someone we cannot make ourselves any more significant than the person we’re interacting with deems us to be to them. And that decision has nothing to do with us anyway.
We all look at life through the perspective of our emotional state in the moment.
When we’re in a relationship that no longer brings out our best or that takes us into the depths of our emotional high rise of awareness we can give thanks to them for being a mirror to reflect the insecurities that are holding us back in other areas of our lives too, not just the relationship.
How we do something is how we do everything so figure out how much heart you’re willing to invest in all you do on a daily basis and then give it your all. This leads to one of two outcomes.
Either you will grow together in a common direction or you will grow apart and eventually walk on different paths. To prevent this separation from happening you’ve got to be committed to growing in a common direction and supporting each other individually in your goals.
I’ve had a few ex’s that wanted my enthusiasm and salesmanship to help them grow their business but I was always aware of my need to do my own thing too. I would help them of course but was always clear it was only temporary assistance and sometimes they didn’t like it much.
People generally prefer to get their own way, after all.
What people seem to forget is that other people’s vision can overshadow your own if you’re not intentional. Maybe they just hope we won’t realize it so they can benefit from our genius or maybe they aren’t even aware of how their desire for your attention distracts you from what you’re here for.
I’ve had several relationships, each of which taught me a lot about myself, my standards, my expectations in life and where I end and ‘they’ begin.
Sometimes the lines get blurred when you become entangled so always remember that your growth and evolution is a self-directed project that others get to benefit from but that must always be untaken for yourself first.
May your every day be filled with growth and expansion, with like-minded individuals who want to see you win!
Laura JE Hamilton