Day Six: The Misguided Affection Of Codependency

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If ever I heard someone say “where I end and you begin” alarm bells would immediately go off and light up my codependency detector, I think. I would have to understand the context of the statement but I believe too many people get confused about how ‘united’ we need to act in order to prove our love.

We are individuals having an experience with others doing the same. We are just characters mingling with other characters in the self-directed movies that are creating our respective biographys.

Some people get tired of doing all the work on their own and they begin to need others to fill the voids for them, and this is especially evident in codependent relationships.

Self proclaimed ‘Soul Mates’ can be the worst for it, and yet all of us are close enough to dependency to not risk turning those fingers back on ourselves by criticizing what others are doing.

Bruce Lipton’s book “The Honeymoon Effect” is phenomenal because it breaks science into digestible language using stories to bring the lessons to life, as every masterful teacher does.

Bruce theorizes that we can all experience a sustained ‘honeymoon’ phase of a relationship if we’re willing to do the inner work, on our own, to become complete and fully independent with a desire to bond with someone else who is equally independent and excited about life. This phase is only sustainable if we embrace our desire and move out of ‘need’.

When I saw the prompt “where I end and you begin” it first made me think of the people in dysfunctional relationships that rely on their partner more than is healthy, while absconding personal responsibility in the process.

As Bruce shares it’s about becoming a noble gas partner who doesn’t need their metaphoric ‘outer shell’ completed by the electrons from another unbalanced atom’s outer shell; it’s about becoming complete in and of ourselves so we no longer seek another to feel complete. As a cell-biologist turned self-biologist Bruce was able to articulate how an atom bonds with another to create an apparently ‘balanced’ chemical compound as a metaphor for how humans try to feel ‘complete’ based on someone else’s presence in their life.

While I appreciate that was not the intended impact of this sentiment, I’ll take as many opportunities as I can to recommend The Honeymoon Effect to anyone looking for a relationship with someone ready to embrace, accept and encourage you to fulfill your greatness.

Where I end and you begin is all that you have control over my friend, so make the most of it and remember that you are not broke, incomplete or in any way imperfect, you may have just let a few rooms in your inner kingdom get dirty and dusty over time and now that you’ve noticed them you can spruce them back up and find someone else that is committed to the spring cleaning process too.

People who are willing to face, admit to and peel back the masks of illusion they previously wore to fit in are able to celebrate you for being your authentically fabulous self without trying to impose themselves too deeply on you.

May you find someone with the capacity to encourage your deepest desires without trying to impose theirs onto you. And may you be that ‘noble gas’ partner for someone special in your life too.

Never seek to be completed by someone else, only to complement their radiance with your own.

Much love,

Laura JE Hamilton

PS. For today’s installment of this 21 Days To Journey Through The Soul-F.U.L.L Warrior’s Quest series the prompt was to elaborate on whatever the phrase “where I end and you begin” conjures up for you. What does it bring up for you?

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