The last four mornings and throughout the day a little sparrow has been pecking at my bedroom window, calling for my attention.
My beloved cat, Julius Romeo, was attacked last week and by Saturday when I got him in to the vets they did the consult from the car, took him in on his own, then the vet came out to share my options. Either surgery his pre-existing health issues meant he likely wouldn’t survive from, in an environment I wouldn’t be allowed to go in with him for and that could not guarantee any quality of life, or euthanasia. I wasn’t surprised but was shocked to have to choose life or death for my beloved companion and friend of 14 years.
It was hard, especially because I was put into a related situation two years ago that destroyed life as I knew in many ways though the circumstances were very different. I don’t wish that position on anyone.
I made the choice to be with him in the comfort room for an hour or so while we just sat together, I pet him, called a few intimates to let them know the situation, and then I watched my little man take his final breath after the noise his soul made when he left his body which made me yelp in horror. He was gone but his little body stayed warm for a long time.
I brought him home and cried with Papa before taking him back to the woods to bury him.
It was hard to make that choice but he had a lot of health issues that hadn’t fully reared their heads yet and I believe this would have set them off so life as he knew it wouldn’t have been the same if we had tried the surgery.
He was 14 and lived a great life, knowing he was loved and appreciated by myself and my grandparents who we’ve lived with since 2017.
Grandma left this world two years ago today and I didn’t publicly celebrate her life or recognize her passing the way I could or maybe should have. These past few years have been incredibly difficult, at times, and my Goom was one of my best friends until things got messy toward the end. I wish I could have rallied myself together to put on a show that honoured her better but putting up a false front has never been my way.
The sparrow knocks again in that moment and somehow I believe it’s connected to my Grandma’s spirit and the show of support she came to offer for Julius too.
So today I celebrate the life of both beloveds who made me better for having been major influences in my life.
I remember the countless hours I spent with both of them, sharing my dreams and realizations that they didn’t fully understand but they loved me enough to believe in me anyway; without that woman, I wouldn’t be the woman I have become and for that I am eternally grateful!
As I clean up the patterns that have not been serving my greatest and highest good, both of my beloveds herein mentioned remind me that while death can be the mercy-full choice, I hereby commit to being alive fully!
I see the A as an ‘attitude’ that supports life instead of choosing behaviours that lead to death.
In future I’ll be able to speak into this commitment better but for now I just say thank you to both, from the bottom of my heart, for being in my life, for loving me and allowing me to love you, and for teaching me much in your passing. You both meant the world to me and I am grateful!
Laura JeH – Namaste
PS. Tonight is another episode of the Kingdom Within Podcast with Katia Palmeri and I at 8pm EST. Jump on the call with us and let’s dig deep into the INNER Kingdom as we call ourselves into greater wholeness together.
PPS. I knocked my hard drive a fatal blow months ago and don’t have access to many pictures from before 2021 except via Facebook so these were quick grabs and I’m glad for the reason to go back and see some memories!