It’s Day thirteen of daily emails to my list and it’s the first you’re seeing of it because I needed to figure out where I wanted to invest my energy.
You see, I committed to do an email series called 66 days to transform your self image and have been rebuilding my email list since getting rid of my Aweber account last year when I was ready to throw in the towel.
I’ve invested thousands of dollars and countless time, energy, effort, and attention to know what I know and be able to share it in a way people can receive it, yet I haven’t been charging for my services or taking on private clients outside of my public videos and posts. By outer appearance I haven’t reaped reward in equal measure to the effort I’ve put in over the years therefore it hasn’t been worth it.
But I beg to differ because I know who I became in the process.
Last year all the judgements, expectations and pressure to conform really got to me and in May I pulled out of a speaking opportunity for the City of my namesake which was to teach emotional intelligence and awareness to a small group of aspiring leaders within the city. I’ve never had a corporate position but I understand leadership, emotion management and coaching so even though I knew that didn’t matter, I made it matter when the pressure grew too great.
What I hadn’t intended for or expected was what would happen when I participated in 8 DMT ceremonies (with a Shaman) over the course of a few months, and also finished a contract I’d loved without renewing so I could do a three week roadtrip west with a friend that taught me a lot about power and my own patterns that destroyed me right before I was scheduled to do the presentation. And with all of the uncertainty and seeming failures piling up on each other through it all, I lost faith in my ability to share what I knew to the level executives in an unfamiliar environment would be able to grow from.
And so I pulled out two weeks before my scheduled workshop and ruined an opportunity to add significant value to a group of leaders and influencers. I remember saying to myself before my inner victim hit the send button “Don’t you dare” but it was too late.
I’d already given up on myself and took my perceived failures personally.
Don Miguel Ruiz wrote a phenomenal *short* book called “The Four Agreements” and the second agreement is to not take anything personally because it’s never really about us in the end anyway.
My point is that when I cancelled I knew that I was shutting an important door to my destiny and yet my inner saboteur had teamed up with my inner victim, child and prostitute to throw it all away for the sake of belonging. For the sake of trying to tone back my desires for the sake of those who loved me and didn’t understand the dream I was doing my best to realize.
I have learned a lot since then and while I don’t necessarily expect to get an opportunity to make up for my self-imposed disappointment with the same leader who gave me the opportunity in the first place, what I do know is that I’ve been intending to create a video on what I learned from NOT fulfilling this opportunity but I wasn’t ready before.
I just hadn’t fully outgrown the self-image that saw me pull the plug on it in the first place, but what I find so exciting is that now I believe I have.
The fourth episode of the PEACEFULL INNER Warriors United podcast is evidence of that as I sit in the nude with the owner of a naturalist resort near Toronto. Stephane Deschenes, no longer afraid to bare it all, realizing that I now embody the teachings I had been marinating in for so long and those are what I’m doing my best to share with you as quickly as possible. That leadership video will be coming soon but I’ve got a few things to share first including this one.
I’ll continue to send these blogs as emails to my subscribers so if you haven’t already subscribed at ljeh.ca then please be sure to subscribe and confirm your email so I can message you direct. And now those who don’t want direct communication can still receive the intended blessings contained in the messages that I post because I’m doing my best to make up for the opportunity I gave up last year by keeping my commitment to myself to complete this series.
The concept for it has evolved over the last two weeks while I’ve been writing these messages daily and last night when working with Brian Escobar on website stuff he suggested I be posting these messages as blogs; I’d considered it but decided against because I just wasn’t ready then, but now I am and that’s exciting! Thanks for the nudge, B!
It’s just like why it took me several months to finally get excited about sharing the interview I did with Stephane Deschenes when I visited his naturalist park resort in August and we discussed the movement to be yourself and how body shaming fits into the bigger picture.
Act on inspiration because if prayer is how we speak to God, inspiration is how God speaks to us.
And when you make a new discovery in your awareness and want to change the way you have been doing things, give yourself permission to do it. Life happens live, there are no dress rehearsals or ‘getting it right’ before it’s done, we just have to fully commit to doing it and then go for it.
Such a simple message and yet so profound to have learned from countless experiences of contrast that helped me get clear on what I want.
As master manifestors, knowing what we want to create is vital so look forward to tomorrow’s message when I’ll share the link for the videos I’ve recorded of myself reading The Alchemist by Paulo Koelho on camera, so we can learn, grow and flow together in a storybook for the heart and soul of those ready for its medicine.
For today I hope the naked testimony Stephane and I made for your consideration inspires you to do something differently.
Laura JeH – Namaste
PS. Life is so full of possibilities we are constantly having to choose one focus area. I did my best to do so but made references I hope you caught: The 4 Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz is an important book to read; S1E4 is now live in audio and video (on YouTube) featuring Body Naturalization Activist Stephane Deschenes and I back in August; and Bare Oaks Resort is an Oasis!